A Sad Commentary

Let me begin this post by admitting my bias. I have never been or wanted to be a hunter. The thought of killing a living being is horrendous to me. With that bias clearly stated, I offer the following observation. A few weeks ago at the beginning of the bow hunting (deer) season, I was out for my usual Friday morning breakfast when into the restaurant came a group of hunters. It was obvious from the camo clothing and the bright orange hats (a real fashion statement -- NOT!). Among the group was a teenage boy (probably about 15) who it turned out was celebrating his first deer kill -- a cause for celebration? I thought it sad that this boy had now learned the "joy" and the "thrill" of taking a life. I made comment to a few friends and then let the scene go, attributing my upset to my previously mentioned bias against hunting. Then, a bit later, I heard about Michigan's upcoming proposition 3 which will allow the hunting of mourning doves. If you are a Michigan voter, vote NO on 3!! These birds are neither particularly usable for food nor a nuisance to anyone. Maybe shooting these innocents is cheaper than shooting clay targets or going to the shooting range. But I digress. Today, while out for breakfast at the same restaurant, I saw what I consider to be the topper of this whole conversation. In came another group of hunters (again with the latest in camo and orange). Along with the adults and dressed in his own camo and orange was a little boy no more than maybe 6 to 8 years old. I find that offensive on several levels. First, there is the safety issue. Is a child that young responsible enough to be out where there are bows and arrows (and probably in the next few weeks he will be out with the guns)? I sure wouldn't want my kid out there. Second, why is a kid that young out on a trip that is obviously an adult event? I think that kids grow up too fast as it is and that there are family type events, kids' events, and adult events. I think that hunting is an adult event. Get a sitter or leave the kid home with Mom unless she is a hunter as well. Third, and this is my biggest dilemma, what are we teaching our kids? An eight year old is in no way mature enough to deal with any of the myriad issues around killing anything. Our kids are exposed to way too much violence as it is between television, news, movies, and the like. Can an eight year old be expected to distinguish right and wrong between the killing of deer and doves and the killing of kids in school? Now I know that there is someone reading this who will crticize my logic, but it is my blog and I see it this way. I will admit that 200 years ago it was necessary to teach young boys how to hunt, trap, and shoot. It was part of survival at that time in history. That is not true today and to expose an eight year old boy to the shedding of innocent blood is just wrong. In fact, in many cases, it could almost qualify as abusive. It is a sad day when our kids have to deal with death and violence when they should be playing and enjoying life. I imagine the Field and Stream set will not like this post much but that's the way I see it. Think about it!

Good Grief - What a Day -- Part 2

To continue from my previous post -- I got all my complex work done in time to head to the church to do a bunch of stuff for this weekend. While I was there I got a call from my mother to tell me that my 44 year old brother is in the hospital with heart trouble. He is supposed to have a stint put in tomorrow. Now that really set well with me in light of my blood pressure news earlier today. Ah well, maybe it's a wake up call -- who knows. I will worry about that tomorrow. Then it was a quick dinner and back to church for a special board meeting which dragged on and accomplished little if anything productive. Tomorrow it's back to church for the evening and I get to teach Bible Study as well as my regular duties -- oh joy! It is now pushing midnight and I am tired yet somehow still wide awake. I will finish this post, dream a bit about Ben, and go to bed thinking about the day past and wondering about the one ahead. PLEASE GOD, let it better than today. Good night all; Ben, I love you! And to Steve who commented on my previous post-- know that in God's time and way, the right thing will happen for you. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Later!

Good Grief - What a Day

Well it's only 11:30 AM and the day has already been a little crazy. I've had a couple of odd jobs around the complex to attend to, chatted with several tenants, talked to the fertilizer guy, and welcomed the blood pressure nurse. She had some not so good news for me -- my BP is up again 138/104. She said, "You need to see a doctor." I said, "On whose insurance?" and the discussion went on from there. I need to start eating a little more responsibly and exercising and all the good things that one should be doing anyway. I still have to finish up one chore here and then go off to church to do some planning an computer stuff for this weekend. All this and deal with missing Ben -- again it was early in the AM when I woke up and reached for him only to once again encounter empty space. When oh when is that job going to happen? I found an ad for one for which I need to apply in person which is not possible today. I will see what the rest of the week looks like, but by the time I can reasonably get there the job will no doubt be filled. If I had any amount of money saved for a rainy day, I'd be moved over there and this would not be such a dilemma. Ah, what to do , what to do. If you have someone special in your life, cherish them -- God puts them in our lives for a reason. Ah well, yet one more boring post about my so called life. LOL. Have a great day and stay warm.
"

I Hate Mondays

I'm starting to hate Mondays. There is nothing inherently wrong with the day I suppose, but for me Monday is a down day. Usually I spend the weekend enjoying Ben's company and doing things that we both enjoy and then I wake up on Monday morning and I am alone. I really noticed it this morning when I woke up about 6:30, and rolled over to cuddle but there was no one there to cuddle with but the dog. I really need to find a job that will allow us to be together and eliminate the extensive and exspensive driving back and forth. The job market in Michigan is extremely depressed and the prospects aren't great. But I believe that God is greater than the economy and that the right job will come along at the right time. We just keep hoping that the right time will come soon. In the meantime, the roads will become more and more familiar.

The Scarecrow and the Stud

I took this picture of Ben and the scarecrow at the festival I mentioned in my previous post. Isn't it just sweet?

Another Weekend Fades into History

Gosh! It's Sunday night and I wonder where the weekend went. Ben arrived Friday night after a long day at work and we just hung out. Being Sweetest Day, I bought Ben a yellow rose and a blueberry pie for dessert. So then he show up with guess what! Red roses and a peach pie. LOL. Saturday began with going to church to teach a class -- how exciting! After class, we headed to the town of Lowell for the "Festival of the Scarecrows." We had fun even though it was an underwhelming experience. Towspeople come together and buld scarecrows along the street -- really weird, but hey, it's small town America. In the first picture above, Ben is taking a picture of a scarecrow family in front of the church. The second picture is of some ornamental lettuce that I found in a flower bed == I thought it was awesome -- never seen anything like it before. I took the third picture as we visited a park and looked at the river. We saw several deer, but they were faster than our cameras.

We still had time before our evening event, so we took in a movie. We saw "The Prestige" with Hugh Jackman, Chrsitian Bale, Michael Caine, and Scarlett Johansen. We both recommend this one. It has more twists and turns than a long mountain road, and it doesn't get sorted out until the final seconds. I was dying to go to the bathroom, but couldn't tear myself away from the drama long enough -- thank God the movie ended before my bladder gave out. Then it was back to church for our annual Dessert Auction and Cake Walk. We came home with two cakes, a pie, cookies, and candy. Ben is taking some to work tomorrow, some went in the freezer, I will share some with the neighomeneighbors, and the rest will go in us I guess.

Today was church, a trip to the mall and out to lunch. Now it's back to the mundane existence that is my life from Monday through Friday. It was a glorious weekend even though we were busy and the weather sucked. I sure hope a job comes through for me in Ben's town before the snow flies!!

What Classic Movie are You?

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Blog Integrity

I love to link to other blogs of interest and to visit and comment on their posts often. After all, blogging is about communication. In fairness to and belief in those who read this blog, however, I strive to link only to blogs that show integrity and common decency. In reviewing links recently I discovered two that fell short of the standards I have set for this page. It is, after all, my page and my choice to link or not link to other blogs. The first was a situation where I was attacked without benefit of personal communication. The writer did not have all the facts but chose to anonymously lambast me based solely on the information at hand. To not check facts and get full information is, in my opinion, poor blogging. The second instance involved a group of bloggers who were maing fun of another blogger's posts by doing rather heartless imitations of content and style. Not every blog is set to everyone's taste, but eveyone is entitled to his or her own opinions and content.hose who would poke this kind of fun are not the type of folks that I want to share with my readers. Therefore, tonght my links list got smaller. As I explore the wonderful world of blogs and find pages that share my interests or give pertinent information, I will add then to my page. I would urge every blogger to visit your own links occasionally so that you know where you are referring your readers. Let's maintain some standards of fairness and integrity and keep blogging fun and clean. That's my opinion -- take it for what it's worth!

Monday!

My goodness, what a busy weekend. Somehow there just isn't time to post much on here when we are busy running back and for the between Ben's house and mine, going to church, and trying to have a little together time. Anyhow, the last post I made talked about Friday night's dinner party with friends of Ben and my anxiety level. As usual, my fears were groundless. Everything went well, dinner was delicious, the company was fine, and even the animals were friendly. We had a great time and then went home and crashed. Saturday was an adventure day. If you read this blog much, you know that we like to take off and go places, sometimes planned and sometimes not, but always fun. This trip was to Bronners. Now if you've never been there, you've missed an important piece of Christmas. They have everything from A to Z for Christmas and other holidays. Being typical gay men, we LOVE Christmas and going to Bronners gives us Chrsitmas "fix". Sometimes we buy stuff, more often we just go wander and "Ah" and Ooh" over all the really great stuff. After Bronners and lunch we headed back to Ben's, picked up the dog, and headed to my house for Saturday night and for church on Sunday. Then it was back to my house after church, pick up the dog, and head to Ben's for Sunday night and for him to go to work today. THis morning I made another job applicationand headed home for the week. If you find all this running back and forth a little confusing, you should be in our shoes. The poor animals don't know what's going on, and I think we havve to look out the windows to remember where we are on any given day. I thinkk the day is coming where we can be together in ONE place without all the planning, running, and catching a moment here or there. What an awesome idea. Just keep the job hunt in your thoughts -- think of the gas we can save LOL.

It was a fun weekend, but Ben was having some anxiety about the job. He finished training on Friday and was starting the real thing this morning. He was concerned as to whether or not he could do the job, whether the training had been sufficient and so on. He called me a little bit ago and things seemed to be going okay so far. We will get a more detailed report tonight when we chat. New jobs and nex experiences, while exciting, can seem a little daunting. Maybe that is part of what keep slife interesting and moving forward. And Move Forward we must.

Another Debut

Oh my, it's Friday and, after finishing up my weekly routine here in mid-afternoon, I will head over to Ben's to be there when he gets home from work. This evening will be another new experience for us. We are having dinner with a couple of Ben's friends from his former church. It will be our first social gathering of this type as a couple and somehow I feel as though I am on display. Now he has assured me of how nice these folks are and I am sure all will be fine. In fact, on many levels I am looking forward to the evening. Still, there is that nagging voice asking, "What will they think of me?", "What if I make a social faux pas?" I know that all will go well and that it will be a lovely evening. Still, in many ways, it is like the coming out thing all over again -- oh they are fine with us being gay and all that, but still, up until the moment we ring the bell, I have been an abstract existencein their lives. They know ABOUT me, but now I am becoming a reality as are we as a couple. Maybe it's not just me that I am a little anxious about. Ben has beena friend and pastor to these folks. He came out to them and they have been fine with his being gay -- again, in the abstract. Tonight, for the first time, we will be "in their face". Oh, I don't mean that we will be sucking face on their sofa or anything. Still, knowing is different from seeing. I don't know why I am like I am today -- I know that I can function well in most social situations and that I do not have BO or two heads or stuff hanging out my nose. It will be a lovely evening. It will be a lovely evening. It will be a lovely evening. And I will be with Ben -- a place where I want to be as much as possible. He is so good to and for me. Well, I guess I'd better close this post before I get too mushy and before I have an online anxiety attack. Watch for a report on the evening in the next day or two. Hug someone special!

NCOD + 1

Today is the day after National Coming Out Day (NCOD) and I am amazed at some of the things I am reading and hearing on blogs and elsewhere. I am finding gay people judging one another for either coming out or for choosing to not come out. I'm hearing people wondering why we should even bother or find the need to come out. Folks, coming out or not coming out is a personal decision that is no one's business but the individual involved. For some coming out can have disastrous consequences. For others it can cause personal discomfort for which they aren't ready. FOr some coming out can bring a great sense of relief or comfort. Some choose to come out to bring honesty and openness to relationship in their lives. Some come out for political and social reasons. One of the key facts that I stress in talking to people who are struggling with the coming out question is this: WHY are you taking this step? Are you doing it for healthy reasons like openness and honesty? Are you doing it to shock and cause controversy or hurt? Are you doing it because someone told you you should? Are you not doing it out of fear? Whatever reasons you have for coming out or not coming out, know your motives! If they are positive in nature, then go for it. If they are negative, hurtful, or malicious then rethink your course of action. Your sexual orientation/preference or lifestyle is YOUR business. What you do with the information is YOUR business.

Moving beyond that for a moment, anyone who has been gay for more than a week or two has quickly learned that coming out is not an event but an ongoing process that sadly never ends. From showing up at Mom's for Thanksgiving dinner with your boyfriend to opening a joint checking account, to talking to folks at work, to coming to terms with your own sexuality, it never ends. Sometimes it is openly verbal; other times it is apparent by actions or the company you keep. There are some who have posted on their obviously gay blogs that they have chosen to not come out. Guess what? To some extent, the very existence of their blog is an act of coming out.

I guess the gist of this post is to say that I am amazed that the very people who are painfully aware of the risks of coming out (our own people) are judging and criticizing the rights of others to make this very personal decision. The more of us who come out in any number of ways the easier it may become for others, but it is still their choice. So lighten up already! If you are bold enough and able to come out, do so and speak up for the countless GLBT folks who, because of society and its pressures cannot or choose not to publicly proclaim their orientation.

Just a quick note to close: today is the anniversary of the death of Matthew Sheppard. Is there any clearer evidence of some of the potential dangers of being out? Take a moment and remember Matt today and pray for a brighter today and tomorrow for people everywhere. Let us learn to live in a society in which we don't rush to judge a person's worth based on who they are or on whether or not they go public with their information.

Deer Me

Yes it is spelled correctly. My friend Dand and I were headed home from church tonight in his van. As we headed up the freeway chatting all at once he uttered something "Oh SH**!" and there was a thump just as I looked out and saw the back side of a deer bounding off the right front corner of the van. The damn thing seemingly appeared from nowhere. It seems that Michigan is the number 2 state for car deer crashes in the country (Pennsylvania is first). This was, for me at least, a first. I have avoided one or two deer in the past year, but this is getting near the really busy season for them to be running. It is currently bow hunting season and rifle season is just a few short weeks away. Thankfully, Dan and I are both fine--don't know about the deer (it took off as quickly as it appeared)and the van, while driveable, has a good bit of damage to the right front corner. I will say that the state police officer was very efficient and personable. Cell phones are great -- we sat there and Dan called the insurance company, the police, and his sweetheart. Let's wait and see what great adventures await on the morrow.All I can say to all you who read this is -- drive carefully!

What's Fair is Fair

I've been listening to the unfolding of the Mark Foley incident and its apparent negative backlash against the gay community. We've been painted as pedophiles and worse and there are calls to arms to control this gay thing coming from all over the place. I was sitting here this morning as I watched the rain coming down about a US President who had extra-marital sex with a woman in the oval office. Now, based on the "logic" of responses to the Foly affair, we should find a way to paint all married heterosexual men as unfaithful, unethical jerks who shouldn't be allowed to hold any responsible position. Yet in that case, there was a narrow paint brush used, aimed solely at one person. In the Foly situation it seems that the paint is being applied with a Wagner Power Roller or a fire hose, shooting blame and innuendo on anyone who is part of the "out crowd." Mark Foley's unethical behavior is his, not mine and not yours. I wonder what would have happened if his emails had been to a female staffer. His behavior does not make anyone a pedophile, nor does it negate your right or mine to love whom we will love and to have that love and relationship affirmed and recognized by church and state. For the sake of you southpaws out there, I sure hope Mark FOley is right handedIf he's left handed, then by logical extension, all left handed people have become suspect. Come on, America, wake up! Let's put this mess behind us and look at some of the real problems in our country and world -- war, economy, discrimination, etc. But, oh no, it is much easier to jump on a popular bandwagon and to point accusing fingers at entire groups of people based on the actions of one than to stand up and take action in things that really matter to all people. What's the answer? Let's hold each individual accountable for his or her actions without labeling everyone else. Come on people, let's grow up and get on with solving some real problems!!

Moving Forward

I last posted on Sunday and since that time have been very busy. Most of Monday was spent doing work around the apartment complex. Besides dealing with the usual tenat problems, I arranged with a woman in the neighborhood to come and cut up the two trees that fell in last week's storms. If I'd waited for my boss to come down with his chainsaw, it would be next week or sometime in the next millenium. I already waited a week for him--hmmmm! Then it was dealing with the results of the state inspection from June and answering questions for the big boss. Finally, I was able to get away and head for Ben's to share in his birthday. I had hoped to be there waiting when he got home from work, but that didn't happen. I got there and we went out to dinner before he had to head out for a rehearsal. When he got home, we celebrated his birthday in "style" and turned in for a night's sleep. Today I had an appointment to see about a temp job in Ben's town. I arrived early and was doing well until I discovered that my wallet was in the pants I took off last night. So I made a mad dash to the house, got the wallet, and headed back -- arriving 5 minutes late (I called them to say I was running late). Everything went well and there is a strong possibility that it will become a reality. Then it was home and back to the grind. That's all for this post. Have a great day.

Sunday Night

Another weekend is winding down and I am both exhilerated and exhausted. Ben arrived Friday evening after work and we had a quiet night at home. Saturday dawned cool but beautiful. We headed out starting with a tour of the annual Red Flannel Day celebration in Cedar Springs. The trip included breakfast, craft fair, street vendors and more. After we finished that tour, we did some shopping, and then headed out to enjoy the beautiful day. As usual, Ben headed out, not sure where we were going. We headed toward Lake Michigan and ended up in Hoffmaster State Park right on the lake. We headed into the park and moved toward the dune climb. Now, I had no idea how far we would climb, but part of the climb is pictured above. Once we went up the ramp and down the wooded pathway, we came to what I affectionately call "the killer stairs". There are 168 steps up to an observation deck overlooking the lake from 775 feet above sea level. The other picture above is taken from the deck and is just a hint of the beautiful colors we saw during the day. After we came back down (again 168 steps), we went by to visit Ben's good friends -- it's kind of neat meeting folks important to him and introducing him to people I know -- makes a real couple out of us eh? The it was off to lunch to celebrate his birthday (TOMORROW!!--drop a note)and finally back home for some much needed rest. Much of today was church related stuff and then home for some rest and together time before he headed home to get ready for tomorrow's workday. On another good note, i have a job interview Tuesday that if it happens will allow Ben and I to be together all the time --send us good thoughts. That's all to report today; hug someone and tell 'em you love 'em -- and mean it!!

Rainy Wednesday

It has been raining and storming all night here and the power even went off for a little bit. I love waking up to blinking electric clocks that have absolutely no idea what time it is, but instead blink how long it's been since the power came back on. Between the clocks and the effect that power outages can have on the computer it's been quite a morning. Of course, why should today be any different? I came back from my busy weekend, hoping to have a day or two to kick back and relax -- HA HA! Monday I had some major chores in the building and a meeting at church. Tuesday I tried to catch up on finances, get some churdch stuff done, and make nice with the tenants, all followed by another meeting at church it's budget time. That opens a whole new topic of conversation here.

It seems that our income is lagging behind where it needs to be and that creates a dichotomy between our "business based" leaders and our "faith based" leaders. The business camp wants to reduce expenses to match current income; the rest want to make responsible decisions regarding expenses, but build in some challenges in the giving department. Some say "The church is a business!" Otheres say, "The church needs to run with some business principles, but we need to follow the leading of God and step forward in faith. There is yet another budget meeting next week and I fear it will not be fun -- probably rank right up there with a root canal without pain killers. I really need some input here, folks -- how do we address the two camps that are forming so as to reach a consensus that we can present to the members? So, as I continue to watch it rain, I will be pondering the philosophical and theological impllications of the ages old church budgeting process. All Jesus had to do was go tot the cross -- thank God he didn't have to sit in budget meetings. Can you tell how happy this process makes me?

A Bizarre Adventure

I had a first time ever expereience the other day at the conference hotel. I entered the men's room to take care of business (Now keep it clean, guys). As I entered, I encountered a woman fixing her hair in front of the mirror. For a split second, I htought I had made a tactical error, but then I noticed the wall full of urinals and I knew I hadn't goofed. She looked and said, "Oops, I guess I'm in the wrong room." DOn't you love it when people state the obvious? I laughed it off and went ahead and did what I was there for as she headed out the door. Now I wonder why she didn't see the urinals -- or was she in there for some purpose other than potty? Had she met up with someone for some quick fun? Who knows? Anyway, it was pretty weird and I lived this long in life before experiencinf it. Does this stuff happen often??

Back and Beat

Well, as promised in my last post, it's Sunday and I am home and posting again. The conference I attended was wonderful and energizing, but also very tiring. Somehow the going to bed time and the waking up time are too close together. I took time out of the schedule to have lunch with Ben on Friday and with Mother on Saturday. I headed back this morning and stopped off to see Ben and to pick up the dog. Ben and I had some time together, but I was so tired that I really needed to head for home. We have reached a point where we agree that I need to find a job that will allow us to be together on a regular basis. One of the hundreds of resumes will come through eventually, but the waiting is stressful on both of us. Tomorrow morning it will be back to the job searches and more resumes going out. It will also be back to work at the complex -- cleaning up whatever messes the tenants made in my absence. And it will be a busy church week with meetings three nights in a row -- more exhaustion. But life is good and God is blessing.

AWAY!

Hey all! I will be away attending the annual Alliance of Christian Churches Advance in Livonia, Mi the rest of the week and will have, at best, limited internet access. I will try to keep up with stuff while I am away, but posts to this page may be interrupted. Fear not, I will be back and will check comments, mail, and all my favorite pages Sunday night and Monday. I will miss you all for this week. Hug someone special!

I Wonder How Many....

There are many conservative religious folks out there who claim that a person cannot be both homoesexual and a person of faith. Yet there are several blogs that I visit either regularly or occassionally that proudly proclaim and even talk about their religious faith and their sexual orientation. Based on my relatively small sampling, I can only imagine how many more GLBT folks of faith (ALL faith communities) there really are out there. I know that the number is far greater than folks like Fred Phelps, Jim Dobson, Jerry Falwwell (Oh, wait! He's leaving us alone at the moment and calling Ms. Clinton awful names), Paul Cameron, and a host of others might lead us to believe. And even though we are many, many of us often feel alone or isolated--isolated from the faith community of our choice because we are "that awful thing that they don't like" or isolated from the glbt community because "who needs religion?". I would really like to hear from you, your friends, your churches, temples, mosques, etc. either your story or at least your best guess estimate of percentages of GLBT people of faith. In projecting growth potential within my church which is predeominantly gay, I often consider the "ten percent" of the population that is glbt, and then consider even one percent as potential church members . That means in a city of 500,000, a church of 500 SHOULD be a do-able number. (I believe this formula allows for people of other faiths, people who are comfortable in other Christian groups, etc.) Yet, even with such a realtively small goal, we are more likely to be a church of 50-100. That tells me that either we are doing something wrong or there are still too many glbt people of faith who are in the faith closet. So, with National Coming Out Day looming (October 11), let's take a minute to come out to each other, to talk about how to connect with others of faith and how to reach the multitudes of glbt folks who have either lost or never had a faith journey. There is too much hopelessness in our community -- it's up to us to reach out -- how do we do it without sounding nutty? If you are gay and a person of faith, drop a comment -- forwwrd this post to your friends for their comments. I will update you on responses in a week or so. Let me hear from you.

A Little Religious Humor

Mutual Of Bethlehem
142 Annunciation Road
Bethelehem

Mrs. Mary Carpenter
22 Holiness Way
Bethlehem

Re: Claim #Mt281620

Dear Mrs. Carpenter:

We are in receipt of the above numbered claim against the life insurance policy issued some thirty three years ago to Yeshua ben Yahweh (aka Jesus). Unfortunately, we are unable to pay this claim based on the following

1. The reported death of Mr. ben Yahweh appears to be excluded under policy clause 47c which clearly excludes payment of claims in the event of death caused by an act of God. According to witnesses, Mr. ben Yahweh himself claimed that it was God’s will that the events that led to his death should occur.

2. Further, there are reports of Mr. ben Yahweh making wild assertions such as “The Father and I are One” and other clearly illogical and illegal statements. The company is under no obligation to pay if the death occurred as a result of illegal activity. Some have called Mr. benYahweh’s comments insane which, if proven so, would result in claim denial.

3. There is some dispute as to the legitimacy of the death claim. There have been several witnesses who have attested to seeing the insured alive some three days after the reported death. We clearly cannot pay benefits if the insured is no longer deceased.

4. In the event that it is determined that benefits from this policy are to be paid, there is the issue of the identity of the beneficiary. According to our sources, Mr. ben Yahweh’s death was to be for the benefit of the multitudes. Therefore, the multitudes may have a prior claim on the benefits of this policy.

We regret that we are unable to assist you further with this matter and suggest that, due to circumstances, you retain legal counsel to pursue a wrongful death suit against the chief priest, the Pharisees, the Sadducees, Pontius Pilate, the city of Jerusalem, and the Roman Empire.

Don't Have Time for Lazy

Here we are on Monday which is usually a lazy day for me. Today seems to be no exception. I have managed to send Ben on his way home, done a couple loads of laundry, checked email, and played a few computer games. I really don't have time to be lazy today. Tomorrow I have a job interview (PRAY FOR ME) and a meeting at church -- that will blow most of tomorrow, and Wednesday late morning L leave town for the rest of the week for a church conference. It will be nice to see old friends whom I haven't seen in a couple of years, and the conference itself will be uplifting. I will stop by Ben's on the way there and the way back, but no overnights this time. He is babysitting the dog for me -- ain't love grand? By the time I get back I expect that the cats and dog will either be getting along or Ben will be going nutzo. Any bets? Anyhow I think I will give the lawn a quick once over tomrrow morning and run the vac and do paperwork on Wednesday morning. I wonder when I will pack -- probably the last hour before leaving Wednesday. It was wonderful to have Ben here last night. He keeps telling me how lucky he is to have me in his life, but I tell him that I am the lucky one. God has brought me the kindest, gentlest, smartest,--well I could go on and on, but suffice it to say that Ben is as good as it gets in this life. Now if the job markets would cooperate, we could save a bundle on gasoline and spend more time together -- really together. Ah well, it will happen in God's time. That's all for now -- hug someone.

A Touch of Fall

The end of summer and beginning of autumn snuck up on me this week, but I was quickly reminded of the change as Ben and I visited Sleepy Hollow Sate Park in central lower Michigan the other day. It's a little early for the brightly colored leaves of fall, but the changes in color and weather let us know that the seasons are evolving and give us a little hint that snow is probably not real far away. We've reached the season where thoughts turn from baseball to football, picnics to hayrides, and shorts with sandals to jeans with shoes or boots. The days are getting shorter and the nights longer. Yet, the trials and challenges of life continue on. When we were in this season last year, I was just discovering and getting to know Ben -- now a year later, I continue to discover each day just how wonderful this man is and as I marvel in the beauty of the changing seasons, i marvel in the beauty of each new "Ben" discovery I make. But enough of the mush for now -- on to the rest of the weekend.

On Friday I left Ben's house and headed for the Detroit area to visit family. My aunt and uncle were visiting from Fort Collins, Colorado, so the whole gang (or most of us anyhow) gathered for a visit. The last time I saw this uncle was when I was visiting in Colorado in 2001. I arrived at their home the afternoon of the now infamous 9/11. I remember watching the TV coverage with horror, yet being thankful that I wasn't "alone" but was with family members. It was nice to see this really neat couple this time without the presence of a disaster. Once the relatives left Mom's house about 12:30AM (far past my beauty sleep hour), I headed for bed and a decent night's sleep. I got up, chatted with Mom a while, did a couple small household tasks for her, and then headed for home. I felt really odd as I drove past Ben's town without stopping in for a visit (He is away for the weekend, but I expect I will see him tonight. I didn't cry, but I did choke up a bit. As I passed each nearby exit, I was reminded of places we have been together and things we've done. So I decided that I am either crazy or crazy in love. In the interest of positive mental health, I opted for the second choice. So, Ben, when you read this consider yourself hugged and kissed. I was scheduled to be "off" from church this morning, so I am having kind of a lazy Sunday morning -- a rare treat. Of course, as I lounge about, I have two loads of laundry running, I have some church related computer stuff to do along with some cleaning.

So, in the interest of getting things done and so as to not bore any of my readers further, I will close this post with my wishes that you take time to enjoy the season, to hug that someone special, and to be happy. God bless..

Always Something New

Blogger BETA? Well, we shall see how it goes. I was just getting comfortable with the original and they upgraded stuff. Where will it stop? Anyhow, bear with me as we go through the change.

Letter to the Editor

Yesterday, Ben posted a link to an Advocate.Com article, which when I read it, prompted the following letter to the Editor. I agree that there is something wrong in a world that creates an atmosphere in which such self loathing is even possible. Read the article and my response and form your own opinion --


My responses to Kyle and his article are many. First, I am concerned for his physical, emotional, and spiritual well being. Physical because his apparent self loathing fueled by his church and his politics makes an excellent recipe for serious self harm. Emotional for much the same reason, and spiritual because he has fashioned a God of condemnation and hatred rather than the God of love, forgiveness, and wise Creator that I know.
My second response is anger -- here we are in 2006, still fighting the same fight that has gone on for generations and began in earnest decades ago. I am angry at churches who choose to interpret scripture to fit their narrow opinions and at politicians who achieve and retain positions of power by climbing on the backs of glbt people.
My third response is a profound sadness at the thought of another of God's beloved children hating himself for who God created him to be and heading down the road to having to choose between his "religion" and the truth of God's unique gift of sexuality.
Also, I am somewhat pleasantly surprised that this article made it into print in this venue. Yes, it is difficult subject matter for most Advocate readers, but it does a couple of things. First, it shows a balance in coverage and an openness to differing opinions. Also, it points out, regardless of how much progress has been made in our struggle, there is oh so much more to be done not just in society as a whole, but more importantly in our own community.
And lastly, it is possible to be Republican (though I can't imagine why one would choose to be in this time), Christian, Pentecostal, and gay. It means focusing on the larger picture than just glbt issues. It means seeking out a God within the context of faith and orientation (ah yes, it is possible). It is a tough road, but one that when travelled expands faith, politics, sexuality, and self awareness. My prayers and heart go out to Kyle that he might sort this all out without the pain and emptiness of ex-gay movements and such.

IQ?

Well, folks, the truth can now be told. Thanks to the folks at Tickle.COM, I've learned that I am not an idiot. Every time I call myself an idiot, Ben gives me a friendly bop to remind me not to put myself down. Well, darling Ben, I guess you are right. According to the folks at Tickle, I am not an idiot after all. So, if it's not a lack of intelligence keeping me from finding a job, what is it? Anyway, here's what Tickle had to say about my "test":

Your IQ score is 131

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Facts Curator. This means you are highly intelligent and have picked up an impressive and unique collection of facts and figures over the years. You've got a remarkable vocabulary and exceptional math skills — which puts you in the same class as brainiacs like Bill Gates. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.

Monday, Monday

Well, it's been a day of little odds and ends. Going to the bank, paying a couple of billes, figuring out that if I don't spend ANY money for the next two weeks, I can cover the first of the month bills. Of ocurse I hAve two trips across the state, one of which is a four day conference -- that means meals, etc, and of course a bunch of gasoline. Now all I have to do is figure out how to make those trips without spending any money --well, I will be frugal in what I spend, but I must spend some. God will figure out how it is all going to work out. This evening has been laundry time -- oh joy. It's been a crummy day out side, so I've been in the house most of the day and am going a little stir crazy. AND I miss Ben. I keep hoping that this will be the week when I hear something about a job. Sure would be nice to have something come through for me. We shall see. That is about all that's going on in my world today -- not what the hets would call the gay lifestyle-- LOL. Anyhow, the rest of the week should hold a bit more excitement, so I guess I will get myself geared up and ready. Hope your Monday has been good. Have a great week and hug someone!!

A Wonderful Weekend

Ben arrived on Friday afternoon and we went to meet friends for dinner and then on to a reception for our statewide GLBT organization. Saturday morning we headed out to tour the local Harvest Festival (That took less than an hour and was, at best, disappointing). We got in the mood for craft fairs and tracked one down in a neighboring community so off we went. The accompanying picture was taken in the play yard of the daycare center next door to the festival site. After seeing the eyes on this creature I vowed that no child of mine would ever be enrolled there--it was just too creepy. From there we took a "Ben tour" -- we found towns and roads that I never knew existed. We did find one "seasonal road" that dead ended in some woods. Now, use your imagination -- two people in love at the end of a country road in the woods on a nice fall day--and I need say no more. Actually, we were seeking out a nice park for one of our fun cookouts -- signs pointing to parks didn't seem to lead anywhere and eventually we made our way back to Paris and dined on steak and sweet corn in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower. How romantic -- seems we will always have Paris. We came home and got some rest and then headed back down to the festival for the parade of emergency vehicles. There were fire trucks from lots of nearby small communities. We left before they made their second pass down main street -- this time with full sirens. We heard them blocks away and were thrankful that we still had our hearing. Today it was church and a restful afternoon. Ben is about to head home for a another busy week. This is where I should insert the sad face, but the weekend with him was so wonderful I can bask in its glow for the next several days. I am a very happy and blessed individual and wish the same for you and yours. Hug that special someone and be blessed!!

All the Comforts of Home

I guess Ben and I are an "approved" couple. My poodle, Amber, has certainly taken well to her new stepdaddy as the accompanying picture will attest. Now if his cats learn to like me all will be well; if not, can anyone recommend a boarding school for cats? Just kidding -- all will be well.

No Negativity

I got an email from a friend today telling me that I have been focusing on the negative things in my life and situation rather than looking at the positive things in life. It seems that I have indeed been griping about the job situation, the fact that Ben lives 100 miles away, the problems in the apartment building, and so on. The truth is that there are any number of positive things and abundant blessings that I know are there, but somehow it is so easy to fall into negativity. Some blessings -- I woke up this morning, I have a full belly, the bills are all current, I have a man who loves me, there are some real friends here in the building, I have a roof over my head, and (at the moment) a couple of bucks in the bank. I have a family who is supportive and a church family who is behind me 100 percent. I live in one of the wealthiest countries (no matter how misguided it is at the moment) in the world, and the list goes on. So, with all that stuff going for me, why do I fall into the negativity trap? It's probably because it is so easy to become the "victim" whether that is a real or perceived role. So, tonight I count my blessings, chin up, and know that the "bad stuff" will all fall into place. I also konw that if I dwell on the negative, I will go into a depressive tailspin and accomplish nothing. So -- thank yo,u God, for all the blessings, and thanks to my friend for giving me a wake up call. Thanks to all you readers who let me vent about stuff.

Life Really Does Suck!

God or the Internet fairy has a wicked sense of humor. I was in the midst of a rather lengthy post about all the things going haywire in life and was nearly finished when -- you guessed it -- the computer did some weird thing and lost all of my brilliant ramblings. Add that to all the rest which I will attempt to recap here and you have the evidence of the suck-iness (a new word I coined for this occasion) of life. Before I was rudely interrupted by a computer blip, I was talking about how I got a phone call last week for a job interview today. I went for the interview expecting to either be hired or not hired. Instead, after a half hour interview, I got, "I'm still interviewing and will call you next week one way or the other." It was disappointing to say the least. Who knew that there was such fierce competition for a part time clerk position at the local library? At least I got a response -- that's more than I have received from most of the hundreds of resumes and applications that have gone out. Most of the time it seems that they go to cyberspace or file cabinet heaven if they are received and reviewed at all. Employers -- give us seekers the courtesy of a response. Even a rejection is better than nothing. That way we know where we stand and that someone took the time to at least glance at our documents. Well, besides that job situation (which truly does suck), I heard from Ben (the high point in my day) and he is experiencing similar sucky feelings. Besides similar job feelings, his mortgage just went up and the papers he sent into the church for transfer all need to be re-done. It seems they went to the wrong office--well, DUH, how about forwarding them to the right person or office in the denomination? Besides all that, the weather sucks today. The real kicker of suckiness for me is that Ben is there and I am here. There's nothing I'd like better tonight than to be curled up with him in front of the fireplace offering and receiving support and comfort. But between the gas, the weather, the time, and other commitments tomorrow, that trip would be irresponsible. So he will be trying to find a friend there to socialize with (It won't be the same as with me--but at least he will have someone to talk with). In preparation for sitting home alone, I looked at the TV listings and they too suck. Guess I can watch a movie, play on the Internet, or -- God forbid -- read a book. Sorry if I sound whiney tonight, but this has been a really crappy day and I don't know what's on the horizon for tomorrow. Pray that it gets better. Thanks for "listening."

Monday, Monday!!

Well, Fall is surely here. I woke up this morning to cool temperatures and rain. Over the weekend, I saw several places where the leaves are changing color or falling off the trees. This would have been an excellent day to stay in bed and snuggle, but there was no one here with whom to do so. Monday is usally kind of a down day, and today s no exception. I will scan the Sunday papers for job opportunities, do a general clean up around the building, surf the web for a while, and then get ready to to to a meeting this evening. At least it's a dinner meeting so I don't have to figure out what's for dinner. Tomorrow I have a job interview, Wednesday is church day, Thursday there's a dinner here in the building, Friday begins another weekend with Ben, and so the week goes. Well, that's about all the rambling for this morning. Whatever your Monday brings, smile, say a kind word, and love the one you're with. It makes the world a brighter and better place.

And We Have a Winner

America has voted and there is a new HGTV Design Star - David won as I expected. During the course of the show there was some amazing talent displayed, but I really thin that David was the best and America agreed. I wonder how the voting on these reality TV shows compares to the voting turout for Presidential elections. Hmmm-- maybe we need to do a show to select a president. I don't think the results could be any more disastrous than what was achieved in the past two presidentail elections. Hmm -- let's take that idea to the networks. Anyway, watch for David to s how up in HGTV's line up in Spring 2007. I expect we will see amazing things.

DesignStar Final

Tonight is the night for the DesignStar finals on HGTV. It's down to Alice vs. David and the final vote was left to the audience with internet and text message voting. I think that David will be the final winner, but who knows? I predict that David has the gay male vote tied up and most of the straight female vote as well -- whether he can design or not, but he is really good at what he does. Only time will tell--stay tuned!

A New Companion?

I took the accompanying picture of my poodle Amber, curled up on Ben's chair with his stuffed dog puppet. I wonder if Amber was feeling a little outnumbered by Ben's cats and thought she found an ally. Anyway, it was too cute so I thought I'd share it with you.

Sunday Afternoon

Well, it's been a wonderful weekend. Ben came over on Friday and promised me a trip to Paris. Well, that's where we went -- Paris, MICHIGAN!! We did get to visit the Eiffel Tower (Michaigan style), and took time to feed the fish in the ponds nearby. On Saturday, since it was cold and icky, we decided on a movie. We went and saw "The Illusionist". As the movie opened, I wasn't too sure about what was in store, but as it unfolded and I got more into it, I found it to be entertaining and fascinating. The movie is well worth the good reviews I've seen. We came home, made chili, and watched Santa Clause II. Today was church and an afternoon meeting. Ben has headed home to get ready for a temp job he starts tomorrow and I have laundry in the washer -- the mundane tasks of life. On Friday I did receive a call for a job interview for a part time job I applied for several weeks ago. So keep me in mind and prayer on Tuesday afternoon -- it's not the dream job I'm looking for, but it will supplement my income and allow me to do some things I have had to put off for a while. As always, my time with Ben was magical and much too limited -- perhaps one of these days, we can eliminate the commute.....all in good time. Anyway, hug the one you love and be good to each other.

Feeling Whiney Tonight

Well, here it is Wednesday night and I am feeling particularly whiney. There's nothing specifically wrong or bad happening, but I am just kind of "whelmed" tonight. I am missing Ben, I feel loaded with church stuff (it's the busy week of the month), the apartment job is its usual whacky thankless self, and I am just tired. I'm not really sleepy and I'm not so fatigued that I can't move, but I am just at the point of wondering how much of my life is worth it. Ben is worth it --absolutely no question there ; church is worth it; the apartment job is - at the moment - a necessary evil. I know that after a good night's sleep and a productive day or two, I will be fine. In the meantime, I guess I will just whine a litte, hug the dog, and go to sleep. Thanks for letting me vent. Love yourself and don't get too stressed out.

What a Great Day

What an incredible day. After Friday night at Ben's he and I headed back to my place for the weekend. Today we spent the morning in church (a great thing to do with someone special). After church stuff was done, we headed out for an adventure. Our journey took us out on some country roads and during the trip we encountered the house pictured here. The great thing about this place is that it was a schoolhouse that was built in 1906. Ben is so adventurous -- he stopped and we talked to the owner and even got a tour of the inside. It was incredible!!! From the original blackboard to the original ceiling and even a drinking fountain that works to the great rose garden outside, it was a joy to see.

From there we headed to Holland State Park for a look at the beach and at -- you guessed it - another light house. It was a beautiful day and we had a good time., Then it was home for some quiet time and dinner. We just watched DesignStar on HGTV -- We are betting on David naturally--and now it's just about bedtime. Tomorrow , it's back to Ben's house until Tuesday. I have an appointment there on Tuesday and he will be doing the job hunt thing again. Enjoy the rest of the holiday weekend and drive carefully.

Gas Watch

What a relief!! We found gas today for 2.45 a gallon. While that's not cheap compared to a couple years ago, it is the best we''ve seen lately!

Some Sleuthing

I've spent the past two hours trying to track down the source of a maddening and intermittent "beep" in the apartment. I checked the smoke detectors, but it wasn't them since they are hard wired and not battery. Finally, after shutting off absolutely everything that could possibly make noise, I followed the sound. Now that took a while since it only beeped every couple of minutes. Any idea how long one or two minutes can be when you are waiting for them to pass? Finally I tracked it down -- it was the church pager that I am babysitting while the pastor is away. It was the most maddening couple of hours I've spent in a while, but now all is quiet and I am back to the computer and the TV. Ah, technology!

Real Age Quiz

I should know better than to click on a link that I don't know, but this "Real Age" quiz sounded intriguing. There's a whole bunch of questions, the answers from which these"experts" determine your real age adding to or subtracting from your actual age to determine your age qualitatively rather than quantitatively. I thought, "This should be fun," until I got my results and they determined that I am 66.7 years old instead of my actual 58.1. Of course, if I would eat responsibly, exercise, and take a bit better care of myself, I could be "years younger" in as little as 90 days. Hmmm, better hit the gym and lay off the junk food. Take the quiz; it might intrigue you!!

A Year Ago

One year ago today the world watched in shock and dismay as Hurricane Katrina bore down on New Orleans and the surrounding area. Lives were torn apart and homes were destroyed or severely damaged. New Orleans and its residents will never be the same, and frankly neither should we be unchanged after what happened. Blame has been laid for slow responses, political games have been played as one side "one up's" the other. What really matters is that we continue to display what is commonly called the American Spirit == that stick to it, persevering, bucking up and moving forward that has marked this country through crisis and tragedy for centuries. Take a moment tonight to remember the survivors of Katrina as they try to rebuild their lives either in New Orleans or in new locations. As we observe this anniversary Hurricane Ernesto is bearing down toward the Florida coast. I hope and pray for the people in the paths of these storms -- they can be brutal. It is imperative that people prepare for the storm and pull together taking care of one another to get through it. I don't have anything really profound to write here tonight, but I didn't want the day to go by without comment.

A Great Weekend!!

It's been a while since my last post. Ben came over on Friday afternoon and we spent the weekend together just enjoying one another's company. Sunday we spent most the day at church -- the two of us in church together for the first time since we've been together. Several of the church folks hadn't met Ben yet, so he was kind of "on display." We did a little shopping, some walking, lots of TV, and some stuff that is not getting posted here (Every couple has to have their little secrets, right?). It was kind of fun cooking dinners and just making sure that we were both comfy. Then came today -- and Ben had to head home, so the apartment has a pretty empty feeling. I did manage to do a little work around the building, paid some bills (a seemingly endless task), sent out a couple of resumes, and generally took it easy. Here's hoping that every one of you had as nice a weekend as I did!

Is This Sick?

Someone please tell me -- Is this WTC commemorative coin that's come out to remember the five year anniversary of the tragedy of 9/11/01 just a little bit sick and ghoulish? I don't know anyone who was directly affected by 9/11 butI am offended and bothered by this blatant attempt to make a few bucks off the emotions of a nation which, in many ways, is still dealing with the effects of that day five years ago. I have dropped an email to the company who is producing these coins expressing my shock, hurt, and disappointment. Oh yes, they are donating five dollars of each sale to 9/11 related charities, but what is the profit on each coin? Who knows? What has the world come to when things like this are allowed to happen? Am I making too much out of this? The TV spots for this coin make my blood boil!! Someone PLEASE explain this to me.....

The Drama Continues

In a post last week, I talked about my boss coming by and doing my job while I was out of town, effectively ripping me off for hours and pay. Well, today I had a call from the big boss who asked for my "side" of what went on. I admitted that I had perhaps left some things undone that needed doing, but that I thought it really rotten that instead of telling me about stuff, the boss just came in and did the work. There was no "supervision" in his actions, and the big boss agreed. I may still be in some trouble for stuff not done, but at least my opinion and perspective were considered. I guess that's some consolation. I surely hope that a new job is on the horizon -- this one is bringing me way down.

Gas Price Update

Hey folks -- just a quick post to rejoice in the "lower" gas prices. It's down to between 2.65 and 2.70 a gallon -- lowest it's been in a while. Maybe the companies are waking up to realize that record profits don't sit well with the driving public. But isn't it interesting -- we think of 2.65 as cheap gas! A year or two ago no one ever heard of such ridiculously high prices. Ah well, I guess we should enjoy the price break while we have it. With Labor Day coming up, any bets on what the prices will do?

Back to the Grind

Well it's Tuesday and my first full day back from vacation. Of course I am missing Ben since I spent most of the past ten days with him. The weekend is coming and I will probably spend it with him so it's okay. Today was spent doing banking, billpaying, resting, and starting to look at some church related projects for the coming weeks. Tomorrow I will head to church to work on the sound system and then the grocery store. Thursday the dog goes to the groomer. All the usual chores and routine. And in all of it I continue the job search that will yield the opportunity that will take me out of this hell position I am in now. If you ar a praying person, keep Ben and me both in prayer as we are both searching for what to do next. If you happen to be an HR rep and have any good openings, let us know. And of course if you should have the winning lotto ticket and want to share it, ... Well one can always hope. Anyhow, boys and girls, have a great day and hug someone special.

Another Wonderful Weekend

I dashed off my last post while I was home for a day in mid-vacation. As I finished that post I was getting ready to head to Ben's for the weekend . It was a wonderful time of being together and included "together" time, eating out, cooking and eating in, watching TV, relaxing, and even job hunting. It also included the first time that we attended church together - real accomplishment for two pastors. We went to a local Episcopal church and were quite underwhelmed. From what I could gather, the priest who brought the message must have had about two hours warning. His "sermon" was to read to us (and not very well either) the first chapter of "In His Steps" by Charles Sheldon. I didn't feel as though I had really been to church, though we did both receive Communion. Episcopaleans use a higher liturgy than I am accustomed to - not a bad thing, just different. The weekend also included me giving Ben a haircut--he wanted me to shave his head so that's what we did . I think the end result is okay (It looks better than I expected), butI miss his beautiful baby soft hair. He will probably grow it back but I want him to enjoy his new look for a while first. Now it's back to the job and the church ministry for me. Why are vacations so short? Anyhow, it was a wonderful week and I am relaxed and ready to face the week's challenges. Hang in there and hug someone -- it's good for both of you.

Home Again - for a moment

Hey everyone....It's been days since I posted anything. No I haven't fallen off the planet, but Ben and I had the opportunity to disappear for a few days of R & R. We spent a few days at a friend's cottage on a nearby lake. While the weather was nice, it wasn't great lake weather, so we took advantage of the location and headed out for a couple of day trips. Our visits included a couple of Lake Michigan lighthouses including Big Sable Lighthouse where we took the tour which included the 130 step climb to the observation deck this after the mile and a half walk to the lighthouse). Thank you to the wonderful volunteer who was headed toward the parking lot as we were leaving. He offered us a ride back to the parking lot which we readily and gratefully accepted. We also did our obligatory shopping (Isn't that what all gay tourists do??) and visited a couple of out of the way lakes and parks. We spent a little time using the paddle boat (me -- the Olympic NON-swimmer -- on that little boat in twenty foot deep water with no life jacket -- DUMB!!). We spent our evenings sitting in front of a roaring fire that Ben built. As I watched him build and work the fires, his obvious pleasure brought one word to mind -- pyromaniac (just kidding.. The greatest part of the whole experience was just being together, able to relax from the pressures of the routine and from the stress of all that Ben has been through in recent times. This was the first time that we have been somewhere that wasn't his or mine or that we didn't have to think about running off home to go to work or stuff . I know that for me it was a wonderful time of discovering and experiencing. Also, he was wonderful about helping with cooking and dishes. Neither of us took the other for granted. There are many other tales from the lake that I could tell here, but suffice it to say that it was a wonderful time.

Then I got home only to discover that my boss was here all week doing what should have been my job == had I known it was my job. No details here, but I was effectively screwed out of about twenty hours of work and pay and I was made to look like a horse's ass in front of my tenants. Ah the joys of working for this company! Where is that new job?

Anyhow I am home for tonight while Ben takes care of another obligation, and then tomorrow I will be at his place for the weekend. Until then, hug someone and tell (and show) them that you love them.

Transitions are Tough

As I mentioned in a previous post I learned this week that a dear friend passed away unexpectedly a few weeks ago at the age of 43. Upon hearing this news I was in a state of disbelief, shock and denial. Those feelings were soon accompanied by an overwhelming sadness at the thought of never seeing Mike again or hearing him laugh or hearing his words of positive encouragement and prayer. I've been thinking a lot this week about transitions and their impact on our lives. People and things are in our lives for a season and often for a reason. Part of the problem of transitions is that we've become comfortable with those things and people -- they are familiar to us and we are somehow lost when they are no longer in our lives. In these cases, the sadness and loss of the transition is not so much about the thing that we've lost or the person we've lost, but about us -- How can I go on without_____? Why was he taken away from ME? And so on. Another part of transition (especially those involving someone's death) is that we must then face our own mortality. Mike was 43, I'm 58. When my brother died several years ago, he was two years older than me and I was sure that I would soon follow him in death. The truth that none of us really wants to face is that we don't live forever and that none of us gets any younger. Life is fragile -- people die from illness and accidents all the time without regard to age or station in life. That means that life is precious and needs to be lived to the fullest. We dare not put off telling our loved ones that we love them -- they or we might not be here tomorrow to share that news. We dare not put off visiting those who are indeed ill. I did that once and learned the hard way that it was the wrong choice. I never got to say good bye in that case.

Relationship transitions and job transitions sometimes have similar effects on us. We feel lost, at odds, in need of healing or comfort. There is a flip side to this down part of transitions -- they signal not only an end or change, but also a beginning, a time of renewing, an opportunity to grow. It all depends on how we address the transition. Is it a bad thing? Sad perhaps, but not necessarily bad. Looking again at Mike, I believe that even though we are sad and lonely, he was ready to go to be with Jesus. he knew that he knew and I believe that going when he did made him a happy angel. Job losses are frightening, but often give the encouragement and opportunity for new career paths. Relationship changes can open doors to our individuality that we didn't know or had forgotten existed.

I don't know how to conclude this post. I think what is best is to say that I hope that each of you reading this post may face your life transitions in a positive way seeking the good that can occur rather than falling into depression, sadness, hurt, and stagnation. Nothing but the love of God is forever. Cling to God's presence and promise and He will see you through the tough times.

Life is Like a Merry GO Round

Gosh, what a couple of days it's been. When last I wrote, I was dealing with computer issues. Since then it's been dealing with losses, health issues, vehicles, and such. I got an email that my dear friend Mike from Knoxville died suddenly last month at the age of 43 -- what a shock. I'll write more about that later on. Yesterday I learned that two ministries in which I was involved a couple of years ago are ceasing to exist -- another loss. Yesterday I had a minor medical procedure done and am healing from that. And last night -- oh my. Ben came over and we decided to go do a quick picnic in the park. The first park we went to was very pretty but was lacking any grills for cooking. So off we went to another park a few miles down the road. The setting wasn't quite as nice, but at least we were able to cook and have dinner. The weather was beautiful and a good time was had by all. On the way home we stopped to put air in one tire. When Ben got back in the vehicle to start it, NOTHING happened. After a few minutes of fuming he called road service . During our hour long wait for the tow truck several folks stopped by with helpful advice or to offer us the use of their phones. Thank you to all of you. My friend Dan who lives nearby where we were stranded happened by and offered some help and some company as well. Part way through this ordeal, the wife of the tow truck driver (who lives a block from where we were) came by to tell us that her husband was on his way. Along with Dan, this very nice woman and her friend, Ben and I had a pleasant time in what could have been a miserable situation. The tow truck finally arrived (He had to come about 50 miles), we hooked up and towed the truck to a local mechanic and went home for some much needed sleep. This morning, we headed back to the mechanic to arrange for repairs and then on to the clinic for my follow up visit. I finally got taken care of after sitting for nearly an hour and a half in the "urgent care" waiting room. By the time I was done so was the vehicle repair which thankfully was relatively minor both in scope and cost. We are now back at my place getting ready to go to the lake tomorrow after church - can't wait. Right now Ben is napping and I am doing some odds and ends around the house. If you are a praying person (and I hope that most of my readers are) keep Ben in your prayers as he participates in his last service at the church where he serves. It's a difficult place to be -- a state of transition and leaving -- another incidence of loss. All of these transitions are difficult and stressful. Anyway, that is about all for this post, so hug someone, tell them you love them, and be happy. See you in church.

Is There a Computer Jesus?

I think that there must be a computer Jesus -- I spent yesterday in computer hell, but somehow during the night CJ (computer Jesus) must have descended to computer hell and brought out those computers trapped there. This morning I got up and my system had restarted itself and everything seems to be running as normally as it was a few days ago. Go figure! It will still be nice to have data backed up (It's amazing how a computer scare will remind one to do that), but I am now freed from the really tough jam in which I found myself yesterday. Praise to the Computer Jesus!!!

Computer HELL

Well, it's been one of those days. For most of the day I have been wrestling with the computer from hell.It has bogged down and refuses to open several programs and files. I have scanned everything I know how to, have defragged, deleted, rebooted, shut down, cussed and cried and to no avail. At least I have been able to offload most of my data files and have located the system disks for the system (they are in Tennessee and will be heading this way tomorrow). My internet connection is working reasonably well -- for the moment -- so I can post and check email. If I lose the internet connection, howI will pay bills, communicate, or even exist? At least for most everything else, I can dig out the other computer and limp along for a few days. We become so dependent on computers -- how do we get by without them? Hopefully, this will be a minor inconvenience and I won't have to find out long term. I think I will cut this short since I am just about ready to throw the machine out the window. Maybe a night's sleep for me and some down time for the computer will make tomorrow a brighter day. I hope so.

Tuesday Update

Well, when last I wrote I was heading out for church and Ben was about to deliver the parting sermon. Both of those events took place with a minimum of difficulty and Ben headed over to see me Sunday afternoon. We hung out, watched TV, ate dinner, rented a movie and just kind of kicked back on Sunday. Monday morning I had to wait for the bug man to do his monthly treatment and my boss dropped by for a few minutes. Once those annoyances were out of the way we headed out for breakfast and some shopping. After we left the stores, we took the scenic route toward home. We found a really nice park with a beautiful lake where we kicked off shoes and waded a bit. Then we explored the woods for a little bit and got on the way toward home -- again by the scenic route. We saw a sign for the public access to the Muskegon River, so off we went down yet another side road. Finally we found the access point to the river and once again got out and looked and just enjoyed the outdoors and each others company. By now it was time to head home so that I could get ready for my church meeting and Ben could head home to get ready for his last week at the church. I finally got home for the evening about 10, and chatted by phone with Ben for just a few minutes --we were both pooped.

This morning started out with one of my tenants complaining that the yard looked crappy and this from a woman who is legally blind - go figure. I will concede that we will never show up in Better Homes and Gardens, but it's not as bad as all that. The grass is cut, and stuff is pretty well picked up. I never claimed to be a horticulturalist as anyone who knows me can attest. Besides, t hese days I am doing just enough on this job to keep the job. A year and a half in this position with the constant criticism and bitching is just about all I can bear. If people are bitch whether I do the job or not, why expend the effort? No matter what I do, it seems to wrong in someone's book. I have been sending out bunches of resumes again in search of that perfect position, but I am a 58 year old man caught in that gap between employability and social security. Besides that, the job market in Michigan (to put it politely) sucks. The auto industry is pretty well in the toilet and all the businesses that support that industry on the the slope too. So I maintain the part time position managing the senior complex in hopes that it won't last too much longer. If any of you reading this know of any decent positions in Michigan (or really great positions anywhere else) drop me a comment.

Sunday Morning

Good morning all! It is Sunday morning and time to get ready for church. Yesterday was an ordinary and uneventful day. Aside from pulling a few weeds and running some laundry, about all I did was play on the computer, watch TV, and generally goof off. While I will be at my own church this morning, my heart, thoughts, and prayers will be with Ben as he delivers his farewell sermon on this his second to the last Sunday there. I know he's worried about being too emotional and not being able to get through it, but he will do fine. After we both get done with church stuff, he's on his way over here so that we can have some "us" time. After having both dealt with our lives in transition for a year or more, I sure wish things would calm down and allow us to get on with our lives and to explore the "us" factor a bit more closely. Anyhow, it's time to go get dressed, so I will leave you with this:
1) It is great to be alive
2) It is a beautiful day
3) God is awesome
4) I love you all
5) You are in my prayers today - how about yours?

Hope to see you all in church -- it's a great start to a week.

OUCH!!!

A word to the wise -- Do not run through the house barefoot. If only I had taken that advice yesterday. Anyhow, I was sitting in the living room when the phone -- laying in the bedroom -- rang. I jumped out of my chair and headed around the corner to the bedroom doorway where I obviously misjudged the angle and crashed my toes into the doorframe (it didnt' budge either!!). Have you ever tried to talk on the phone when pain is shooting through you? It's not easy - the pain of that ow-ie took my breath away. The picture with this post is not my toe, but it gives you an idea of what I did. Just a month ago I sprained my left ankle; now I've broken a toe on the right foot. Keep this up and I will not be able to walk right ever again. Anyway, the phone call was from Ben (I knew that from the ring) , so I got lots of sympathy. I must be a slow learner though -- today I am still going around barefoot - I am not running though 'cause it hurts to try that. This too shall pass and soon I will be as good as new, and hopefully a bit wiser. Hope you all are having a good Saturday.

Where Were You When the Lights Went Out?

Well, actually I was sitting at the computer about 9PM tonight when the AC stopped, the computer blinked, the lights went off, and it got eeriely quiet. It is now 11:45 PM and the lights came on a few minutes ago, so it wasn't too bad. Not like last time anyhow when we had no power for nearly two days. I dug out the trusty flashlight, checked the building, and grabbed the cell phone to call Ben. It is really weird not being able to watch TV, run the computer, play music, turn on lights, make coffee, etc. About 10:30 I laid on the couch and went to sleep (nothing else going on), only to be awakened when stuff clicked back on. I guess we are lucky -- rumor has it that there are thousands without power due to high heat and the storms that blew through (missed us of course). Here's a very special thank you to the guys and gals at the power company who brought us back on line as quickly as they did. Anyhow, the lights are on, I've checked mail and posted this, I've reset the bedroom clock, and now (ironically) it's gonna be "lights out" and sleep for me. Sweet dreams everyone.

This CANNOT be Right

Here's another of those fun quizzes and this one cannot be right -- can it?

You Are Most Like George W. Bush

So what if you're not exactly popular? You still rule the free world. And while you may be quite conservative now, you knew how to party back in the day!

What Modern US President Are You Most Like?

What Song Should You Strip To?

Hopefully this little quiz wasn't too accurate -- scares me!!

Your Stripper Song Is

Closer by Nine Inch Nails "You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I?ve got no Soul to tell" When you dance, it's a little scary - and a lot sexy.

What Song Should You Strip To?

Yesterday

Well, the post birthday day was kind of a drag. I did spend the early half of the day connecting and installing my new 4 in 1 machine which thankfully does work. I haven't figured out all the bells and whistle yet, but at least the computer knows the machine is attached. After my run in trying to install the phone software package, I think this is quite an accomplishment. I hit the grocery store for Wacky Wednesday specials and came home striving to stay comfortable in the AC. The heat, coupled with the physical and mental strain of a four hour church board meeting the night before made me unfit company for anyone -- except the dog who wanted to be right on top of me every minute. Go figure. When Ben called about 9 PM, I wasn't very talky though I did go outside trying to improve phone reception. I discovered that the weather was changing and it was quite comfortable -- a nice breeze in anticipation of the promised storms that never really amounted to anything around here. Today is supposed to be a cooler day with a high of 81, and tomorrow and Saturday it's back to the high 80s. I did manage to get about 8 hours sleep last night, though it was somewhat broken -- still woke up tired this morning but in a somewhat better frame of mind.

I discovered some folks with I share my birthday -- Francis Scott Key, Jerry Garcia (does this account for a diverse musical taste?), Dom DeLuise (God knows I'm always quite the comedian too), and Henry "Yves" St. Laurent (Henry?? Who knew?? -- but from him I get my divine sense of style LOL). The most important person with whom I share my special day is my "middle aged"(?) daughter .

Hopefully today will be a better and brighter (and cooler) day. There's not much going on today, but I should have time to get some work done around the building and some stuff done for church. And Ben -- if you are reading this (and he does) -- I will try to be in a better space to chat with you later.

That's all the scoop from rural west Michigan this morning. The big news from here is that the corn fields are looking healthy. And you wonder why my mood isn't always the best. LOL. Hug someone and tell 'em you love 'em.. It will brighten their day and yours.

Gas Watch

It's interesting to watch gas prices rise and fall. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to what happens. Recently it's been great to see the prices fall a bit more. The most recent lowest price I've seen in my travels is 2.91 for regular. While that might not be as cheap as we'd like, it sure beats the 3.14 and more it was not long ago. Yesterday, I saw prices as high as 3.05 as I was heading out in the afternoon, but even those stations were under three bucks by evening. I wonder how long this "lower" pricing will last. Get it NOW!!

Birthday Follow up

As you can see by the time stamp on this post my big day is now history and I am into my 59th year of life (it was my 58th birthday, so now I am building up to 59 and then --O MY GOD -- it will be the big SIX-OH --but not yet). Anyhow, my birthday celebration stuff with Ben is posted below, and today began with just me and the dog -- how exciting. Of course, when I opened the door to take her out to potty (even on birthdays) I found a package that one of the neighbors got me -- a homey and somewhat tacky picture frame (it's okay, they don't read this page HA HA). It is the kind of gift that screams to go to the next grab bag gift exchange. I did receive some birthday greetings from the other neighbors (some with dead president portraits too). After cleaning the public bathroom in the building and spraying the dumpster for bees, wasps, and or hornets (It was so hot that the spray steamed when it hit the metal.) I headed out to do some church office time. Did that stuff and then ran a couple errands including buying myself a new toy (Now get your minds out of the gutters, guys) -- a new 4 in 1 machine -- printer, copier, scanner, fax -- final cost after rebates and such -- about 60 bucks. Then got taken to dinner and then back to church for the monthly (felt more like month long) board meeting. I finally made it home about 11:30 or a little after. I am so glad that Ben and I had the time to celebrate before today. Somehow bees and board meetings are not birthday fare. The folks here at the complex will celebrate all the August birthdays one day next week, so it will be Happy birthday once again -- this time with cake LOL.

And to all who sent birthday greetings, thank -- you make life special. I love you all, and especially one particular reader (you can figure it out). Well it 's just about time to try to sleep. I cannot believe that after midnight it is still 83 degrees. Thank God for an AC unit. Try to stay cool and hug someone. G'night all!

Thank You From Lakeway

A few days ago, I posted a link to the story of the Lakeway Hotel in Meade, KS where the owners are proudly flying the rainbow flag. This morning I received this thank you email. Let's all try to find ways to show these folks our apprecation and gratitude for their courage and convictions. Email text follows --

Robin & I can¹t even begin to come up with words strong enough to convey our appreciation for all of your support and well wishes. Especially to those of you that have booked rooms and even just sent money to help pay our bills. Your the best.

We are getting so many emails every day that we barely have time to read them let alone respond to each of them in a timely manner. So I thought I¹d send out this Big thanks to everyone and then do individuals as time permits.

First of all, reading your letters at the end of a long day makes it allot easier getting up the next day. So a BIG thanks for that!!!

As you know our rainbow flag was hung outside of our hotel because we dearly miss our son. It signified to us that he is just over the rainbow and as soon as we can we will all be together again. When my good neighbors told me to take it down, I assure you there was no hesitation. It will not come down. Last night, July 30, 2006 some "person" cut it down, well most of it anyway. Robin & I want you all to know that as soon as we can get a replacement here, the rainbow will proudly fly again.

My son¹s Rainbow flag is gone, cut by the very closed minded bigots that we sent him home to get away from. Our new Rainbow flag will serve a different purpose, it will stand for the very thing that THEY (the schalooses) wanted it to stand for. Gay Rights, Gay Pride, Human Rights, Equality of the Sexes,Equality of the Races, Diversity, Unity, Peace, The International Co-operative Alliance's, The Inca banner, The Flag of Cusco, Peru, The Wizard of OZ, God¹s Gift to Mankind, and everything else that the homophobic, bigoted, ignorant ... people of the world fear.

Our new Rainbow flag will fly as a reminder to my son, never to back down to prejudice and tyranny no matter the cost, because once you do it will never stop. Money and business is one thing but peoples dignity is much more important.

Before we bought the Lakeway Hotel a gay couple looked at it and the same good christians that want my son's rainbow flag down told the bank, "If you sell to those gays, we'll all pull our accounts." They'll never be happy, and their hunger for control will never subside. Never!!! They change scripture to suit their purpose. They are spreading ignorance and bigotry one child at a time. Not my son.

Our new Rainbow flag will wave :
At our friends that never made it to their 30th birthdays, Jim, John, Jimmy, and Richard.

At the group I counseled in High School who I vowed I would never reveal their names or what we talked about.

To my 7th and 8th grade teacher who taught me that gay people are just people, and who the kids that called him a fagot behind his back eventually named as their favorite teacher of all.

To the two retired teachers Ruth and Madge who still reside in this old brick Hotel, playing jokes and helping me see, I don¹t know if they were really a couple, but if they were, good for them.

To the gay and lesbian people of Meade and elsewhere, hiding in closets and garages, letting you know that someday you¹ll just be able to be you.

To all of the people traveling on hwy 54 who are afraid to stop in these hick towns because they don¹t think they¹ll be accepted or worse.

To Shawn and all the other people in the world that had the terrifying and heart wrenching task of telling their parents that they are Gay or Lesbian.

To Shawn¹s dad, my good bud Robert, who although probably didn¹t want this for his son, hugged him, loves him and is very proud of him. I wish all parents were like him.

But most importantly our new Rainbow flag will wave in the face of Hatred, Bigotry, Ignorance and the people who embody these traits as a constant reminder that they can¹t control everyone or every thing. That god loves every one the same. And that hate is a much bigger sin, than 2 people loving each other ever could be.

George Washington once said that the thing that separates the American People from all other people of the world is that we will die on our feet before we will ever live on our knees.

I think it¹s time that we get up off our knees and stand together for what¹s right. Even if we are a bit squeamish about what the right thing is.

We might not be able to fix stupid,but it sure is fun taking it apart!!!!;)

A BIG Thanks Again to All -- we¹ll remember you, long after you forget us


JR & Robin Knight
Lakeway Hotel - Bed and Breakfast Inn
115 N. Fowler, Meade, Kansas 67864
PO BOX 1029, Meade, Kansas 67864-1029
[Phone Numbers Deleted for Blog Publication - Nick}
lakewayhotel.com - innkeeper@lakewayhotel.com