Monday, September 25, 2006

A Little Religious Humor

Mutual Of Bethlehem
142 Annunciation Road

Mrs. Mary Carpenter
22 Holiness Way

Re: Claim #Mt281620

Dear Mrs. Carpenter:

We are in receipt of the above numbered claim against the life insurance policy issued some thirty three years ago to Yeshua ben Yahweh (aka Jesus). Unfortunately, we are unable to pay this claim based on the following

1. The reported death of Mr. ben Yahweh appears to be excluded under policy clause 47c which clearly excludes payment of claims in the event of death caused by an act of God. According to witnesses, Mr. ben Yahweh himself claimed that it was God’s will that the events that led to his death should occur.

2. Further, there are reports of Mr. ben Yahweh making wild assertions such as “The Father and I are One” and other clearly illogical and illegal statements. The company is under no obligation to pay if the death occurred as a result of illegal activity. Some have called Mr. benYahweh’s comments insane which, if proven so, would result in claim denial.

3. There is some dispute as to the legitimacy of the death claim. There have been several witnesses who have attested to seeing the insured alive some three days after the reported death. We clearly cannot pay benefits if the insured is no longer deceased.

4. In the event that it is determined that benefits from this policy are to be paid, there is the issue of the identity of the beneficiary. According to our sources, Mr. ben Yahweh’s death was to be for the benefit of the multitudes. Therefore, the multitudes may have a prior claim on the benefits of this policy.

We regret that we are unable to assist you further with this matter and suggest that, due to circumstances, you retain legal counsel to pursue a wrongful death suit against the chief priest, the Pharisees, the Sadducees, Pontius Pilate, the city of Jerusalem, and the Roman Empire.

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