Monday, January 22, 2007

Monday, Monday

Well, here it is Monday afternoon and the work week is already 20 percent done. HOORAY! It wasn't a bad weekend all in all. Ben and I ran a couple of errands on Saturday and then spent the rest of the day working on getting the house in a little better order. Sunday morning saw us going to church -- each is our own direction. It is difficult for me these days to go to church and be excited. There is much going on that feeds that, but the gist of the problem is that I simply no longer feel called to serve in the position or church in which I find myself. The conundrum is that leaving this position will leave me church-less with regard to my professional standing. The nearest churches in which I might legitimately serve are 50 - 100 miles away -- and they could only be beneficial IF they have a position in ministry in which I might serve. This conundrum calls into question the whole "call". And as I struggle with this issue, we continue to wait to see what is going to happen with Ben and his call. I am very frankly ready to resign my position and follow him wherever God and the ECUSA lead. This thought is troubling for Ben because he feels that I am putting my needs aside. While it may appear that way, my whole ministry call is in question at the moment, so I'm not putting anything anywhere except to put my faith and trust in God and in Ben to lead us somewhere. If I resign my post and don't find another within a year, I run the risk of losing my professional standing and effectively ending 20 years of active ministry. AH -- what to do, what to do? So, for the moment, I bide my time and drive 60+ miles each way once or twice a week to minister in a congregation that doesn't really seem to care if it participates in or even receives ministry. I likely will be leaving my church post in the very near future. A wise preacher told me once when I was seeking a position that perhaps I had to let go of the thing I was holding on to (a ministry position) in order for the next step to unfold. Heeding her advice, I resigned my position and within weeks was moving to a new pulpit. You cannot reach the far trapeze if you insist on holding on to the one you are swinging from. Anyway, that's the issue on this cold Monday afternoon in mid-Michigan. Thanks for listening.

1 comment:

Lemuel said...

At the risk of implying that the only reason you are with Ben is because of your "needs" (which I definitely do NOT want to imply), I hope Ben can see that you are not putting your needs aside to follow him. Rather, in a most positive way, you "need" to love him and to be with him.

"Entreat me not to leave thee nor to return from following thee,..."

I will hold hope for you that the new trapeze bar will come into view before you need to let go of the old. I sense that you are a great asset to the community of faith. We do not need to lose you.