Today's Thoughts

Today I am feeling somewhat useless and at a dead end. The background for this yucky feeling (how else can I describe it?) is this: I am a part time assistant pastor in a small church (small church = small paycheck) and part time (10-15 hours a week) resident manager of a senior apartment complex. The combination of the two positions provides almost enough resources to make ends meet -- almost. For over a year I have been seeking a full time position within a huge geographic area, as welll as serarching for a full time pulpit position within my denomination (Metropolitan Community Church). Neither search has returned anything but frustration and depression. Why is it that no one wants to hire a 55+ year old person? Why do so many prospective employers think that I lack experience? Nearly twenty years of ministry experience has provided background in customer service, public speaking, computer skills, management, budgeting, programming and plannning, and the list goes on, but no one seems to recognize this wealth of background. Neither of my current positions is horrible, but likewise neither is particularly challenging or rewarding. It seems that I spend an awful amount of time doing nothing productive (lots of TV, internet surfing, game playing, and my favorite pastime -- feeling sorry for myself -- which is where I find myself at the moment). At least all the bills (and there are many) are current. There is no extra money for emergencies or fun things, and forget about self care issues like doctors or medicine etc.

I have no idea how many people or who reads this blog, but I'd welcome suggestions, thoughts, prayers and the like as I seek some direction and purpose in my life. Some days it just sucks to be me.