Showing posts with label Moods. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Moods. Show all posts
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Partly Cloudy on a Bright Sunny Day
Here it is Sunday morning and the sun is shining. Ben is off to church, and I will likely go for the 10 AM service about as soon as I finish this post. I had a wonderful night's sleep, and we head north for the bridge walk later in the day. The lease is signed and we've moved a few things already. I should be feeling upbeat and anticipating the day and the future, right? Maybe I should, but, alas, I'm not. I feel as though about half of my posts here are real downers, but I count my readers among my friends and confidantes -- SO -- you get to hear it all. I am sitting here this morning in a real down mood with no apparent or specific cause. I have borken down and cried twice and am having a heck of a time getting motivated. I know that I am dealing with a fair level of depression, but I also know that I will just have to deal with it. Therapy is beyond my means at the moment. Ben is great at being supportive and caring about my well being. Just sitting here and writing this post is helping the sun begin to pierce my clouds and darkness, but it is a tenuous sun. I know that once we get on the road this afternoon, I can put all of the transition and upheaval out of my mind for a few hours and relax a bit. Then perhaps I can truly enjoy the beautiful day. I guess it's off to the shower and on the way to church for me now. Thanks as always for listening to my whine list. You all are more comfort than you realize. Thanks for being there for me. Hug someone and let them know how special they are. Happy Labor Day!!!
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Life is Tough
Well, it's been 10 days since I posted, and what a time it's been. I have come to realize even one more time that life is tough and I am really tired of the uphill battles and struggles. Between stress and trials at work, medical stuff, two or three customer service battles, and the crisis we are facing in housing, income, and future, I am exhausted. I begin to wonder what's the point?. So far this post is pretty vague, but there's a few examples to follow, so keep reading.
Last Sunday I ended up at the local urgent care clinic with a blood pressure that should (If I had insurance) landed me in ER. Instead the doctor lectured me, gave me two prescriptions, and instructed me that any pain would a sign to head to ER. More than 100 bucks later, I was home resting. Things are calming down thanks to medicine. What bothers me with this whole story is that I have needed to visit the doctor and deal with medical issues for months, but without insurance the costs are restrictive or prohibitive. When is this country going to realize the depth of the health care crisis?
Then there's been the week at work. The company where I am working has changed Contract Houses for Temps. That means I have a new employer. Now, you would think that all the wrinkles would have been worked out BEFORE they actually made such a major change. Yeah, in a perfect world. Today ends the first full pay period and it was on Friday that we received info on how to enter our time -- now we will wait until Monday morning (the deadline for reporting time) to see if it all works. On top of that, the project I'm on is getting stupid! When it started, it was supposed to be for about a month -- that was a month ago Friday. At least two or more times a week, we are on a conference call with our colleagues in Malaysia and Europe receiving more training (hmm -- a month in and more training -- doesn't sound quite so temporary). The most recent training was for a task for which we don't have the required file accesses. SO -- Why train us for something we aren't able to do? Would make more sense to me to get the access first and then train us and let us do the work. The stress level on the job is a key factor in the blood pressure battle I am certain.
On Monday, I took the new car in for service. I bought it the end of May with 25400 miles on it, and have put about 4000 miles on it. The service advisor informed me that it was time for the 30000 mile service at a cost of nearly 600 bucks. I blew my cork -- that should have been done as part of their "certified pre-owned vehicle" process. I called HONDA's national customer service number where I spoke with an agent who appeared to have not cared less. Between this experience and others with the dealership and corporate, I informed them in that call and by mail that I would not purchase another HONDA. I love the car, but if they don't care about their customers, then I will seek a manufacturer who does. Of course, it will be years before that threat (or promise) will be exercised, but I did let them know that I would be sharing the story with LOTS of people.
On top of all that is the reality that in just 6 weeks Ben and I have to be out of the house. We have no idea where we are going, whether Ben will have a job, how we are going to pay for a place or a move, what to keep and what to sell, etc. It's like moving in the dark!
My most likely reaction to all of this is to pretend none of it is happening -- I think they call that avoidance. But, with deadlines rapidly approaching and bills still arriving, avoidance would be deadly. So, I try to deal with each piece of the puzzle as it comes. Ben is wonderful in putting up with me, but I know that he is as much a basket case as I am. It seems that when I'm down, he's okay, and when I'm okay, he's down. We support each other and do the best we can. There's no quick solutions and this is not a bid for sympathy or anything like that. It's just me sharing where my life is going. If you are a praying person, keep us in prayer. Beyond that, it will all work out somehow -- it just seems too hard. Anyhow, hug someone special and have a great weekend.
Last Sunday I ended up at the local urgent care clinic with a blood pressure that should (If I had insurance) landed me in ER. Instead the doctor lectured me, gave me two prescriptions, and instructed me that any pain would a sign to head to ER. More than 100 bucks later, I was home resting. Things are calming down thanks to medicine. What bothers me with this whole story is that I have needed to visit the doctor and deal with medical issues for months, but without insurance the costs are restrictive or prohibitive. When is this country going to realize the depth of the health care crisis?
Then there's been the week at work. The company where I am working has changed Contract Houses for Temps. That means I have a new employer. Now, you would think that all the wrinkles would have been worked out BEFORE they actually made such a major change. Yeah, in a perfect world. Today ends the first full pay period and it was on Friday that we received info on how to enter our time -- now we will wait until Monday morning (the deadline for reporting time) to see if it all works. On top of that, the project I'm on is getting stupid! When it started, it was supposed to be for about a month -- that was a month ago Friday. At least two or more times a week, we are on a conference call with our colleagues in Malaysia and Europe receiving more training (hmm -- a month in and more training -- doesn't sound quite so temporary). The most recent training was for a task for which we don't have the required file accesses. SO -- Why train us for something we aren't able to do? Would make more sense to me to get the access first and then train us and let us do the work. The stress level on the job is a key factor in the blood pressure battle I am certain.
On Monday, I took the new car in for service. I bought it the end of May with 25400 miles on it, and have put about 4000 miles on it. The service advisor informed me that it was time for the 30000 mile service at a cost of nearly 600 bucks. I blew my cork -- that should have been done as part of their "certified pre-owned vehicle" process. I called HONDA's national customer service number where I spoke with an agent who appeared to have not cared less. Between this experience and others with the dealership and corporate, I informed them in that call and by mail that I would not purchase another HONDA. I love the car, but if they don't care about their customers, then I will seek a manufacturer who does. Of course, it will be years before that threat (or promise) will be exercised, but I did let them know that I would be sharing the story with LOTS of people.
On top of all that is the reality that in just 6 weeks Ben and I have to be out of the house. We have no idea where we are going, whether Ben will have a job, how we are going to pay for a place or a move, what to keep and what to sell, etc. It's like moving in the dark!
My most likely reaction to all of this is to pretend none of it is happening -- I think they call that avoidance. But, with deadlines rapidly approaching and bills still arriving, avoidance would be deadly. So, I try to deal with each piece of the puzzle as it comes. Ben is wonderful in putting up with me, but I know that he is as much a basket case as I am. It seems that when I'm down, he's okay, and when I'm okay, he's down. We support each other and do the best we can. There's no quick solutions and this is not a bid for sympathy or anything like that. It's just me sharing where my life is going. If you are a praying person, keep us in prayer. Beyond that, it will all work out somehow -- it just seems too hard. Anyhow, hug someone special and have a great weekend.
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