Wednesday Morning

I didn't know what else to call this post. Ben called this morning to tell me about some financial struggles and snafus he is encountering. He hasn't had to deal with living on the financial edge of things in a very long time. Seeing that there is less coming in than going out and that some bills are having to slide is very troubling for him and the problems are manifesting as feelings of worthlessness, badness, and so on. He has a tender heart which is one of the things I love about him, and this current mess is causing him such distress. I hope that he doesn't become cynical or hard hearted through this. His gentle yet adventurous spirit just seems so dampened right now. Because of my own situation, all I can do is be nearby to be a listening ear and a sympathetic and empathetic voice. I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel; I just hope that the long night of struggle isn't too long. I believe that something positive is going to happen very soon -- be that a call to a church for one of us, a job in his area for me, or something. One positive thing that I believe will come out of this is a new awareness on Ben's part of the plight of so many to whom he will be called to minister. The struggle of living from paycheck to two days before paycheck; the struggle of over extension; the struggle of seeking a job; the struggle of life when times are tough. I think that his heart, already full of compassion, will be touched more deeply as he moves through this stuff and that he will come out of it better prepared than ever to minister to the masses.

Keep him in your thoughts and prayers -- he is in a struggle that goes beyond the financial stuff. His transition from the church he was in has raised up all those old feelings of low self esteem, as though he is somehow to blame in all this. I keep looking at the picture of him with the scarecrow and seeing the peaceful innocent vulnerability of the man I love. Then I think of the daily dilemmas and storms that come his way and I fear their impact on that image. Well, I guess I've rambled on enough to get my point out and to process some of this in my own mind.